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Mom goes on a date - It hurts! It hurts! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
It hurts! It hurts!

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Mom goes on a date [Jul. 16th, 2006|10:53 pm]
It hurts! It hurts!
So Jenny gets the news first, but I died so hard laughing when the story was told to me that I had to call and get confirmation for myself.

So mom went on a date. (I'll pause to give you a moment to compose yourself after this shocking news).

So mom went on a date with some older guy she met (whether or not it was through grandpa is still unclear) who had a lot of money. It seems mom wants a sugar daddy. They went out on his boat on the lake and the plan was to have a nice picnic. As they're eating, this gentleman (whose name she won't reveal to me because she doesn't want me to judge him later) begins talking about sex and boundaries and such. She asks for clarification and he rubs her cheek gently, saying, like this, this is ok, right? And she agrees.

So then, then he hauls off and slaps her face, saying "how about that?" And does my mom end the date right there and demand to be taken ashore? No.

NO!!!!! She continues said date, wherein she apparently learns the sensual art of hair pulling while making out with this guy. Oh, and also, he has herpes.

The rest of the boating is pretty uneventful (so I'm told). But when they return to shore, he takes her to his car to show her his "bachelor suitcase." This suitcase is apparently one he carries with him everywhere, and inside are thongs and vibrators, which he offers to my mom as a parting gift. She claims she turned them down, but after the rest of this, I'm not sure anymore.

The bitchslapping date ends, and will there be a second date? Amazingly, this is left up in the air.

Its amazing I'm as sane as I am.